About the ear...

2006-05-10T13:24:00.000-07:00

David Blaine is NOT a role model.

2006-02-24T12:25:00.000-08:00

Went hunting with a real "Richard."

2006-01-25T06:35:00.000-08:00

Dumbest question I ever asked? "After cutting through that can, is it still sharp enough to slice off a human ear?"

2006-01-24T06:43:00.000-08:00

If I've learned anything, it's never bet more than you can afford to lose.

2005-12-16T11:27:00.000-08:00

Chestnuts werent the only thing roasting on the open fire.

2005-12-14T06:28:00.000-08:00

I spent a sad childhood on the island of misfit toys.

2005-12-13T07:37:00.000-08:00

Some times he dosen't just nip and somtimes it's not the nose.

2005-12-12T07:51:00.000-08:00

String the lights BEFORE sampling the eggnog.

2005-12-02T07:11:00.000-08:00

My mother shopped "factory seconds."

2005-11-30T06:57:00.000-08:00

Battery leaked in my electric earmuffs.

2005-11-28T07:10:00.000-08:00

Never get between John Madden and a Turducken.

2005-11-23T07:08:00.000-08:00

Home perm debacle in the late 70's.

2005-11-22T13:59:00.000-08:00

Badgers.

2005-11-21T11:08:00.000-08:00

When drinking Bacardi 151, just keep the Zippo in your pocket.

2005-11-18T09:04:00.000-08:00

There were actually two "boys who lived." Unfortunately, one of us didn't end up with a media-friendly lightning bolt scar.

2005-11-17T06:04:00.000-08:00

I messed with the bull. I got the horns.

2005-11-16T07:31:00.000-08:00

The dingo took my ear.

2005-11-15T06:48:00.000-08:00

Mange.

2005-11-14T06:32:00.000-08:00

Ill fated attempt at attaching my toupee with a hot glue gun.

2005-11-11T07:50:00.000-08:00

Fell asleep on a hot plate.

2005-11-10T08:18:00.000-08:00

I was trying to one-up G. Gordon Liddy.

2005-11-09T09:07:00.000-08:00

Never go to a teaching hospital for LASIK.

2005-11-08T06:01:00.000-08:00

The Taliban caught me listening to pirated MP3s.

2005-11-07T05:40:00.000-08:00

Low flying crop duster.

2005-11-04T06:19:00.000-08:00

I was a production assistant on "Twilight Zone - The Movie."

2005-11-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

I didn't fully read the manual for my Bass-O-Matic.

2005-11-02T06:38:00.000-08:00

My advice? Don't use a spot welder if you're not going to pay attention.

2005-11-01T08:47:00.000-08:00

Took Sudafed. Operated heavy machinery.

2005-10-28T06:05:00.000-07:00

Drinking and pruning don't mix.

2005-10-27T07:09:00.000-07:00

I ran into Gollum while trying to dispose of the "One Earring to Rule Them All."

2005-10-26T05:56:00.000-07:00

I ordered without taking a number at the Samurai Delicatessen.

2005-10-25T07:02:00.000-07:00

It was a lousy night, but at least Medieval Times comped my drinks.

2005-10-24T06:25:00.000-07:00

Got in to a slap fight with Liberace.

2005-10-21T05:40:00.000-07:00

U2 puts on a good concert, but they sure write a lousy how-to guide.

2005-10-20T07:07:00.000-07:00

I danced with the devil in the pale moon light.

2005-10-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

I had some trouble with tribbles.

2005-10-18T05:40:00.000-07:00

At a Japanese steakhouse, if your chef has a "trainee" badge- just move on.

2005-10-17T07:21:00.000-07:00

That little rat dog really quería Taco Bell.

2005-10-14T07:40:00.000-07:00

I had a supporting role in my 4th grade class' production of "The William Tell Story."

2005-10-13T06:58:00.000-07:00

My ex-girfriend, Lorena, was unhappy with my listening skills.

2005-10-12T06:47:00.000-07:00

I was in Tijuana a few years ago. Next thing I knew, I woke up in a bathtub full of ice with a note on the mirror that read, "get to a hospital."

2005-10-11T06:12:00.000-07:00

Two bits for a shave and a haircut? Well let's just say you get what you pay for.

2005-10-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

My advice? When Donner throws a party, stay home.

2005-09-30T07:04:00.000-07:00

Solidarity with Garp.

2005-09-29T08:01:00.000-07:00

Killer african earwigs.

2005-09-27T11:09:00.000-07:00

My career as a Tycho Brahe impersonator got off to an embarrassing start.

2005-09-26T06:05:00.000-07:00

I don't kiss and tell.

2005-09-23T09:52:00.000-07:00

I have only marginal nun-chuck skills.

2005-09-22T07:39:00.000-07:00

If Caesar says he just wants to "borrow" something, don't buy it.

2005-09-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

Cat juggling mishap.

2005-09-20T07:07:00.000-07:00

Gator wrasslin'.

2005-09-19T06:57:00.000-07:00

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball™. Seriously.

2005-09-16T06:12:00.000-07:00

I ran with scissors.

2005-09-15T10:00:00.000-07:00

There is no practical limit to what I would do for a Klondike bar.

2005-09-14T06:08:00.000-07:00

Two words- Vogon Poetry.

2005-09-13T07:39:00.000-07:00

Edward Sicssorhands was my Mom's OB.

2005-09-12T07:32:00.000-07:00

Worst party game ever? Bobbing for Pirahnas.

2005-09-09T06:39:00.000-07:00

I made Mr. Orange pretty darn mad.

2005-09-08T07:27:00.000-07:00

Land Shark.

2005-09-07T06:51:00.000-07:00

I was raised by bunnies.

2005-09-06T11:30:00.000-07:00

Polly REALLY wanted a cracker.

2005-09-02T08:19:00.000-07:00

I'm a sharp dresser.

2005-09-01T07:12:00.000-07:00

I let the bedbugs bite.

2005-08-31T09:13:00.000-07:00

Initiation to join an underground Bingo Hall.

2005-08-30T11:39:00.000-07:00

The ear and I have been on vacation. Back tomorrow.

2005-08-19T06:22:00.000-07:00

Unfortunate mishap during my Ninja training.

2005-08-18T06:07:00.000-07:00

Went to a Civil War doctor for an ear infection.

2005-08-17T05:52:00.000-07:00

A word of advice, only keep an UNLIT cigarettes up there.

2005-08-16T06:28:00.000-07:00

Oakley Shields? Not quite so Thermonuclear Protection.

2005-08-15T06:58:00.000-07:00

Because cutting off your nose to spite your face is such a cliché.

2005-08-12T11:14:00.000-07:00

Xtreme fondue.

2005-08-10T07:48:00.000-07:00

I borrowed Odd-Job's hat.

2005-08-09T11:59:00.000-07:00

Give the new Barber Shop a few weeks to "get settled" before patronizing it.

2005-08-08T08:13:00.000-07:00

I answered the iron.

2005-08-05T06:42:00.000-07:00

Bow before me, for I am the ANTI-SPOCK!

2005-08-04T06:14:00.000-07:00

When using a weed whacker, there are times when eye protection is just not enough.

2005-08-03T06:43:00.000-07:00

Flesh eating bacteria.

2005-08-02T07:25:00.000-07:00

Goats will eat anything.

2005-08-01T06:08:00.000-07:00

My advice: Avoid "store brand" q-tips.

2005-07-29T06:28:00.000-07:00

In the 80's Piercing Pagoda briefly experimented with 12 gage piercing guns.

2005-07-28T06:08:00.000-07:00

When tangling with Mike Tyson, it's folly to think "well, he'll never do THAT again."

2005-07-27T06:07:00.000-07:00

At the Hair Cuttery, never ask for the "Van Gogh."

2005-07-26T06:23:00.000-07:00

Got stuck on a conference call- had to gnaw it off.

2005-07-25T06:01:00.000-07:00

In retrospect, wearing a hat made of Snausages® to Westminster was not such a good idea.

2005-07-22T06:02:00.000-07:00

Over-zealous use of head-gear in middle school.

2005-07-21T05:48:00.000-07:00

I was a test pilot for the ultimately doomed gas powered propeller beanie.

2005-07-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

Are you familiar with these new RAZR phones?

2005-07-19T08:56:00.000-07:00

Our plane crashed in the Andes and we drew straws. I got hor d'orveus.

2005-07-18T09:06:00.000-07:00

The Flowbee needs better warning labels.

2005-07-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

I tried to befriend Kelsey Prosser.

2005-07-14T08:28:00.000-07:00

Shrimpin' is tough.

2005-07-13T08:43:00.000-07:00

Body modifaction is art.

2005-07-12T08:14:00.000-07:00

"Tame" Squirrel.

2005-07-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

Lost it in a sword fight.